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07 August 2010

Like chaos theory

A few months ago, I had to give a presentation at work about myself and in doing so, I found the story of me - well, a pivotal chapter in my story.



For my presentation, I decided to start with Google. If you Google me, you see my Linked In profile, a story I wrote about adventure racing, mention of me helping out at another race and a tender that I project managed when I worked for the Australian Federal Police.

The Google entry about the AFP refers to some tender processes I managed while I was there. I remember having to write addenda to the request for tender while I was sitting in Honiara, just a few metres from a 10 metre, razor wire topped fence and a beach that a crocodile was rumoured to patrol – I never saw it.

I was in Honiara because six months after joining the AFP I was sent to the Solomon Islands for three weeks, to cover leave for one of the media officers. Three months after getting back, I was sent over again for two months. Pacific culture is fascinating and inviting. I witnessed some truly humbling events while I was there and came to the decision that working for an international aid program will be part of my life in the future. I came to that realisation after being part of the response effort for the earthquake and tsunami. I saw how people who had so very little –it had taken their whole lives to acquire – lose everything in just 10 minutes.

My time in the Solomon Islands was only a small part of what I did with the AFP, but it had a huge impact.

It’s funny how the smallest things have the biggest impact.

In June last year, I was reading a Mountain Designs e-newsletter. I normally don’t open e-newsletters (why do I sign up for them??), but this night I did. I scrolled quickly through it and an advertisement at the bottom caught my eye. It was for GeoQuest, a 48 hour adventure race that was taking place that weekend. It occurred to me that I had 12 months to train for the next one. I decided to do it. Just like that.

Why? I needed a new fitness and training goal. I wanted to test my limits. I was sick of saying I’d love to...and not doing it. So, maybe that was why I paid attention to it in the first place.

No, there was more to it than that. I wanted my life to inspire ME.

I’ll jump back a bit. In January 2009, I had been unemployed for three months. At first, I took it in my stride, valuing the spare time I had. Soon though, I was dismayed and a little lost to realise how intrinsically I identified myself through my job. Without one, who was I? It took a lot of guts to admit to people that I was unemployed and I found conversations stilted as I became more aware of how much my socialising had centred previously round my working life.

Those three months were pivotal for me and the thing is, you don’t know what you’re capable of until you’re pushed through. It’s like chaos theory. Change only happens if you tip the balance.

I eventually got a contract and through that I became friends with Mel. One Friday, a week after reading the Mountain Designs e-newsletter, she and I were catching up over a drink. I mentioned my intention to do the race and she was as keen as I was. Over wine we planned our foray into adventure racing. It was just another small thing that was to have a big impact.

I was taking a huge leap, getting into adventure racing. I was fit, but not fast. I had never ridden a mountain bike or attempted to read a compass. I avoided team sports because I’m not motivated by competition. I wasn’t keen on getting dirty and short hair does not deal with helmets very well. And I was afraid of failing - that was, until I decided that I can’t fail if I just have a go.

So I had a go at riding a mountain bike and coping with helmet hair. I had a go at navigating. I had a go at kayaking. I had a go at competing as a team. I had a go at adventure races, off-road triathlons, and mountain bike endurance races. I couldn’t do all of it well, but I loved it all! And my life is now so much more. I no longer identify myself by my job alone.

I love to learn, and one of the biggest lessons I have learned in recent years is how to be fearless. The things I’m afraid of are not nearly so scary when I do them. So I will keep doing them and tipping the balance in my life.

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